


Conversations

by silverwolf7007



Series: The Many Shenanigans of Harry Potter [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2018-10-23 21:24:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10727550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverwolf7007/pseuds/silverwolf7007
Summary: In which Remus is not going to steal James's wife.A few conversations between the Marauders and Lily over the years.





	1. The Beginning

Lily didn't know when it had started. Probably sometime during their seventh year at Hogwarts, or at least, that would be a semi-logical conclusion. But logic and the Marauders really never went together at all, which probably meant it had been in first year.

Lily was wrong. It had not been first year. Or rather, it had not quite yet been first year - it had been on the Hogwarts Express on their way _to_ their first year.

Because James Potter, standing in the middle of Platform Nine and Three Quarters with his parents, had caught sight of the pretty red-haired girl and declared to all and sundry "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl."

Lily, hugging Petunia goodbye while her mother fussed over Severus's robes, and her father put both their trunks into the nearest carriage, had no idea that any such declaration had ever been made.

Sirius Black, however, was standing only a little ways away with his mother, aunt, and cousins (Andromeda was graduated but came along to see her baby sisters off, especially as it was Narcissa's first year). And Sirius, while he wouldn't say it for his family to hear, rather admired that tiny Potter kid's admittedly ambitious decision. That was the moment Sirius decided to find the other boy on the train (one day James would tell Lily she was technically the reason he and Sirius had become friends, at least as early as they did, and she would be very torn between being amused and being horrified).

In a similar vein, little Peter Pettigrew admired the (at the time) shorter boy's confidence. Part of him wanted to be there, ringside seats for if it ever actually happened.

Remus Lupin was further away and his father was worriedly giving him instructions for the year ahead (brush your teeth, make sure you always wear clean underwear, don't bite anyone, keep up your flea powder applications, don't eat all the chocolate in the castle, and no I'm not telling you where the kitchens are Remmy you'll have to figure that one out by yourself, it's a rite of passage). But he caught James's statement with his enhanced hearing, and glanced over curiously.

A scrawny kid with black hair and a ridiculously dreamy expression on his face was gazing at an oblivious girl who was now making her way onto the train, pulling a pale dark haired boy after her with one hand and waving frantically at her family with the other.

Remus wondered if it would ever actually happen. He wondered if the boy would ever even talk to the girl. And he decided, at that moment, that he would have to stalk them to find out.

Minutes later, all the students bound for Hogwarts that year were aboard the train, and so the Hogwarts Express began to pull away from the station.

Remus almost immediately abandoned his trunk to explore the train and to attempt to stalk that short ambitious boy from the station.

Down the train, James had been set up in an empty compartment with his trunk by his parents, because he himself was too busy mooning after his 'future wife' to manage.

A very nervous Peter had been brought into the compartment by his mother, who was levitating his trunk, moments later. James didn't even seem to notice, so Peter stayed silent and sat across from him, twisting his fingers in his lap.

As such, James was sitting on the bench and gazing out the window dazedly when the compartment door was slammed open. Peter jumped and stared, but for a moment, James almost didn't react at all.

Then he turned slowly, vague curiosity crossing his face, and Sirius grinned at him brightly. "Hello!"

James blinked. Slowly, the dazed look began to fade from his eyes. "Uh, hullo. Do I know you?"

"Sirius Black," Sirius said, holding out his hand for James to shake.

Shaking Sirius's hand, James raised his eyebrows. "James Potter. I'm pretty sure we're in a blood feud."

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah, well, that's for ridiculous old people to worry about. We have more important things!"

"We do?"

"We do! Like your future wife!"

James's confused smile turned kind of dopey. "She's so pretty."

Sirius turned to Peter. "Can you believe this guy? He's never even spoken to her!"

"Well, plenty of time for that," Peter said, smiling gamely. "Seven years, after all."

"Very good point, my good man! Er. I didn't catch your name?"

"Peter Pettigrew."

"Nice to meet you."

James tuned back into the conversation at this point. "Sorry, uh, hi, Peter. Didn't mean to sort of not notice you or anything."

"No problem," Peter said, grinning. "But I _am_ starting to wonder about your chances with this girl. At this rate even if you do marry her you'll be too busy staring at her dreamily all the time and she'll leave you for someone else."

Sirius laughed at that.

James frowned. "Hey! Like who?"

"That guy, definitely," Sirius said, gesturing out the door.

Remus, who had been hovering around the doorway with no intentions of entering or being seen (he was, unfortunately, a terrible spy at this point in his life, and only years of pranking practice would give him better skills), jumped and squeaked.

"Me? But I don't want to break up their marriage!"

"Well come inside and help us knock some sense into the guy, then."

Remus edged into the room and sat beside James, looking wary. "Um, hi? I'm Remus Lupin."

"Hello, Remus Lupin the terrible stalker," James said. "So I hear you'll be running away with my wife in the future?"


	2. Chapter 2

"James, I have something to tell you."

"Oh sweet Merlin you're leaving me for Remus, aren't you?"

"What? No, of course not, don't be ridiculous."

"Is it someone else? I mean, I always figured if you left me it would be for Remus. I can't believe you've betrayed the both of us! Oh, how am I going to tell him?"

"James for Merlin's sake! I'm not leaving you! And why are you so sure it would be for Remus if I did?"

"Well, the two of you really are almost terrifyingly close. You've got a lot in common. You even told me once you think he's devastatingly handsome."

"I was very, very drunk. I also told you that I thought he and Severus would make a cute couple, and that Lucius Malfoy would look very fetching in Augusta Longbottom's vulture hat. I hardly think you should take any of it to heart."

"All of it is true, though."

"Are _you_ drunk? It would explain a lot."

"No, of course not. I've only just gotten back from work, Lils, and only Mad-Eye can drink on the job, because he's a giant hypocrite."

"If you say so."

"Also it was my bet in the pool."

"What. Pool."

"The, uh, the pool we had betting on who you would eventually leave me for?"

"Oh. My. God. Are you... tell me you were at least drunk when you started the pool!"

"Incredibly, immensely, completely, utterly, absolutely stinking drunk. Peter put his money on Dumbledore, for crying out loud. And Remus had Alice. Sirius tried to put his money on _me_ , we had to explain about seven times before he changed his mind. I think he then went with Snape, so, yeah. We were not in our right minds."

"James Potter you do not _have_ a right mind."

"Er, well. No comment? Anyway, if you're not running away with Remus or anyone else, what did you want to tell me?"

"I'm pregnant."

"..."

"We're having a baby, James."

"...it's Remus's baby, isn't it?"

"JAMES!"

"Sorry, sorry! I couldn't help myself, it's physically impossible."

"Are you even processing this or _should_ I leave you for Remus? Or Alice, who is immeasurably more sensible than any Marauder."

"I think Frank would object."

"James."

"Ahem. So. Baby."

"Yep."

"Awesome."

"Yeah."

"Lily? I love you."

"I love you too, you idiot."

"...can we name the baby Remus?"

"Okay seriously if anyone in this marriage is going to run away with Remus it's clearly you."

"I would never!"

"Uh huh. And yes, we can name him after Remus."

"Really? Yes! Little Remus Potter..."

"Uh, no. Nooo. I think we should give him Remus's middle name as his middle name."

"But Remus's middle name is-"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Sneaky. I like it."

"You would."

"...wait."

"Yes, James?"

"Him?"

"Yes, James."

"You already know?"

"Magic, dear."

"Oh, right. Haha. I forgot."

"Wizard raised, forgets the basics. Typical. And I like Harry, as a first name."

"Oooh, Harry. Harry Potter. Harry James Potter. Perfect."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Sirius is gonna be so mad we named Harry after Remus."

"Sirius can be godfather, that will shut him up."

"Oh, well, yeah. It will."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, canonically Remus's middle name isn't James, but, er, creative license?


	3. Part Three

"Sirius, James and I have some news."

"Oh my god it's finally happened you're leaving him for Remus aren't you?"

"Oh for the love of - NO! That is definitely not it. Not even slightly. AND WHY DO YOU LOOK DISAPPOINTED, JAMES?"

"I'm not!"

"I mean, I did say that if you ever left him for Remus we'd go on a 'round the world trip to console our broken hearts."

"Is that it?"

"Well, it would have been pretty cool. And by the time we got back you and Remus would have realised you loved us all along and we'd go back to normal like nothing ever happened."

"How much time do you lot spend talking about the possibility of Remus and I running off together?"

"Probably more than you're comfortable thinking about, Lils."

"Ugh."

"Ahem. So, if it's not that, what did you want to tell me?"

"Padfoot, Lils and I are having a baby!"

"Awesome! Wait. Is it Remus's?"

"Am I going to be asked this by literally everyone I tell?"

"No, Pads, I already asked. He's definitely mine."

"Oh good. Oh wow you said he. A boy! James! You're gonna have a son! Are you naming him Sirius Junior?"

"Noooo."

"We're naming him Harry! Harry James."

"James. JAMES. You- you're naming him after REMUS and NOT ME?"

"Well, yes, but Sirius-"

"That hurts. Why not call him Sirius James? Or James Sirius? That has a better ring to it. Or Orion James?"

"Because I like Harry. Besides, you're going to be godfather."

"EEEEE!"

"I've never seen a grown man squeal like that."

"Seriously? Have you never actually paid attention during literally every time you Marauders spend time together?"

"Ouch, Lils, that hurts. Right here. Cuts deep. I'm gonna bleed to death."

"Don't be so dramatic, Prongs! BABY!"

"...and these are the men I'm entrusting my unborn child to..."

"You love us."

"We're your favourites after Remus."

"Ugh."'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus really is Lily's favourite, because he is not this ridiculous. Right?
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Much love,
> 
> Wolfie


	4. Part Four

"Remus. I have something to tell you."

"Lily, I love you like a sister, really I do. You're one of my best friends. But it just wouldn't work between us, Lils. I don't feel that way about you, and I don't want to steal you away from James and ride off into the sunset upon a thestral."

"You all need a better hobby. Literally anything else."

"Sorry. I really couldn't help it."

"I've decided its exposure to the other idiots. Or the other way around. Who even knows anymore?"

"So what's the news?"

"I'm having a baby!"

"Okay I _know_ it's not mine."

"Uggghhhhhh."

"Okay, okay, I'm done."

"Did they put you up to this?"

"No, you're right, we need a hobby. Congratulations."

"We're naming him Harry James. Sirius is going to be godfather."

"He'll like that. An innocent young mind ripe for moulding into a mini prankster. Not too sure on James as a middle name though, isn't it a little narcissistic?"

"Hah, I told him you wouldn't realise. It's _your_ middle name, Remus."

"Well, yes, but I wasn't named after James Potter."

"Nor will Harry be."

"Then wh- oh. Aww. Thanks, Lils, that means a lot."

"Aw, Remus, are you - don't cry!"

"I'm not, its a cat hair!"

"You don't have a cat."

"Shut up."

"You're not even allergic to cats."

"I could still have a hair in my eye! Stray hairs still sting, Lils."

"Oh my god Remus just own your goddamn emotions you stunted, stunted man!'

"I... oh fine. So maybe I'm touched, whatever."


	5. Part Five

Lily really should have known it would happen. And she wasn't surprised. Really, she was more amused than anything that the Marauders seemed to all be trying to get Harry to say their name as his first word.

"Come on Harry, say Padfoot!"

"No, Harry, say Peter! Pe-ter."

"Harry don't listen to those barbarians, prove your Potter loyalty, say Daddy!"

She and Remus just sat back and watched the show. It was hilarious, because Harry, while clearly paying attention to all of them, was flat out refusing to cooperate.

And then.

"Moony!"

Dead silence.

"What did he- Harry! What did you just say?" James looked from Remus to Harry to Lily and back to Harry.

"Moony!" Harry repeated, a proud smile on his face. "Moony Moony Moony Mooooooony."

"Awww," Remus said, looking vaguely teary. "Good boy, Harry."

"Ohhhh Harry! Why am I surprised? Of course you say the name of your real father first..."

"JAMES HARRY IS NOT REMUS'S SON FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!"

Again, silence. All four adult men and one baby stared wide eyed at Lily.

"Mama?"

"Awwwww Harry I'm not mad at you," she cooed, swooping down and hugging him tight. "Nooo, Mummy is just mad at your idiot Daddy."

"Id'it."

"Yes, good baby."

"Lils please don't teach our son to call me idiot instead of Daddy," James said in a strangled voice.

"Then don't be an idiot," Lily returned with vicious sweetness.

"It just comes out sometimes I really cannot physically stop myself."

"I know," she sighed heavily. "I was there at the wedding."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the wedding, James tearfully interrupted the ceremony to try and let Lily marry her one true love, instead, so she beat him around the head with the bouquet until it fell apart while Remus respectfully declined James's offer, Sirius somehow reminded them that they were in the middle of their vows and should get on with things, and the guests were all kind of horrified.
> 
> Or something like that.
> 
> The End.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> Wolfie


End file.
